Do You Really Need Others to Tell You That You Look Good?

We’ve all been there before. You put on a new outfit, look in the mirror, and immediately start to feel unsure. “Do I look okay in this?” “Does this make me look fat?” Before you know it, you’re turning to your partner, your friend, or whoever is nearby and asking them, “How do I look? Be honest.”

It’s natural to want affirmation and validation from others. After all, we’re social creatures and we care what other people think, especially those closest to us. Getting a compliment or words of reassurance can give a nice boost to our self-esteem and confidence.

But have you ever stopped to wonder why we seek out these affirmations from others? Why do we feel the need to ask, even though deep down we usually know we look just fine? Turns out, there’s some interesting psychology behind it.

The Science of Seeking Affirmation

Researchers who study human behavior have looked into the reasons why people fish for compliments and constantly seek validation from others. What they’ve found is that it usually stems from having a poor self-image and low self-esteem.

If you don’t feel good about yourself on the inside, you look for other people to make you feel good on the outside. Compliments and praise act like a band-aid, temporarily masking those negative feelings and insecurities you have about yourself.

The problem is, that relying on affirmations from others is kind of like building your house on an unstable foundation. It might feel good in the moment, but in the long run, your self-worth is shaky because it depends on other people.

Another reason people seek out affirmation is because of something called “impression management.” That’s psychologist-speak for trying to control the way others see you. By asking “Do I look okay?” you’re trying to make sure you’re coming across the way you want to. If they affirm that you look great, then mission accomplished — you’ve managed the impression.

The Pros of Getting Affirmations

Okay, so even though constantly seeking affirmation can be a sign of low self-esteem, that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with enjoying a genuine, well-timed…